Penthouse Forum

Dear Penthose Forum,

I am a longtime fan of your publication, but I never thought I would have a story worth writing about.

I had known Cindy since we were kids. I always had a crush on her. Unfortunately, back in those days I wasn’t exactly the coolest. People rarely noticed me, and when they did, it was mainly to mock me for getting caught masturbating in class. It only happened twice! Cindy was very popular, though. She made love with the entire hockey team. They were the fifth most popular team of guys at our school.

I never planned on seeing her again. Then one day last week, she came into the hardware store where I work as the head janitor. She teetered in, wobbling back and forth, probably exhausted from being so beautiful. “Let me use the phone!”, she exclaimed.

Vindal, my boss, started to tell her that the phone was for customers only. (I know I said I was the head janitor, but that is not exactly an official position, but everyone knows.) I told Vindal to be cool. Then I touched my crotch. That is the sign that we used to communicate that we want to be left alone with a customer. Vindal was surprised, because he always gives me the sign. This was the first time that I had given it to him. As he walked by, he pointed at Cindy and mouthed, “Seriously?” He was probably jealous, because she was too hot.

I slid behind the counter, grabbed the phone, and placed it in front of Cindy. “That’s better.”, she grumbled. Then she made some racial comments about Vindal. That is when I was sure that she was the same girl I had fallen in love with in high school. As she dialed the phone, I admired her form. She had filled out since high school. Even then, she was thick in all the right places, like her breasts and the hump dangling down over her crotch, so temptingly. As she opened her mouth to speak, I could see that she had lost a few teeth, but for some reason, I made me like her more. It made her more human.

“I already turned five tricks today, Rodney. I’m tired.” There was a brief pause as she listened intently. “But he wants me to fuck a snake!”, she yelled into the phone. Rodney must have given her bad news, because she yelled, “Fine!” and slammed the phone down.

“Thanks for nothing!”, she screamed at me and turned to leave. I couldn’t let her just disappear from my life again. I worked up the most courage that I have ever had in my life. “Wait, Cindy! Please don’t go.”

She turned, stunned. “How do you know my real name? Everyone calls me Tirepuss now…because I put a tire in my pussy.”

“I don’t care what they call you. I love you.”

“Well, I’m a whore now. If you pay me more than $50, I’ll fuck you instead of the pit viper that I am supposed to.”

“I’ll pay you $200!”

I offered to take her to dinner at Costello’s, the nicest restaurant in town. She asked if there was a storage room or trash chute that we could go to. “Even better.”, I told her. I grabbed her hand, and led her down to my room. I was always embarrassed to live in the basement of my work, but now in the biggest moment of my life, it turned out to be a great asset.

Once we got to my room, I apologized that it wasn’t nicer. She asked if I was going to kill her. I’m pretty sure that she was joking. She pulled her tattered dress down. Her luscious tits flopped out. I have never seen anything like them. They were long, flat, and wide, like flapjacks that could feed a football team. I didn’t know that nipples could be comprised completely of scar tissue.

I put my hand near them. “May I?”, I politely inquired. “Umm, sure.”, she replied.

I ran my hands over her delicious mounds. They were rough and chapped like a cattle rustler’s hands. There is no doubt in my mind that a balloon would pop if it touched them. After caressing them for several moments, I tried to lick them, because Vindal told me that is what you are supposed to do. I must have messed it up, because I cut my tongue.

Cindy pulled her dress completely off. Her stomach was bigger and veinier than it looked in clothes, but that just meant there was more of her to love. A gentleman doesn’t get too graphic, but I think her vagina could best be described as war torn. I nicknamed it “little Sarajevo”. She started reaching for my jimmy. I nudged her hand away. “Not yet, dear.”, I cooed.

I had her sit on the cot while I turned off the lights. I needed it completely dark for what I was about to pull. I knew I wouldn’t regret purchasing a penis extender. If you aren’t familiar, a penis extender is a fake penis that you wear over your penis. I had it stashed conveniently under my cot. I fumbled for it in the darkness. Cindy wondered aloud what I was doing.

I finally snagged the penis extender and surreptitiously slid it on. I quickly placed a condom over it, so that Cindy would believe it was my real penis. I smoothly slid it into her. I couldn’t feel anything, because my penis was covered in a thick layer of rubber, but I am sure it would have felt great.

“Why does your dick feel rubbery?”, she inquired. “Oh, no reason.”, I replied, smiling to myself.

I pumped out several very solid strokes. She was getting ready to start moaning, I think. Just then, I felt my penis extender slipping off. I quickly pretended that I climaxed and pulled out. It was just in time, too, because my penis extender fell off onto the bed. I knocked it onto the floor and kicked it under the bed.

“That was great!”, I exclaimed. She seemed surprised that it was over so suddenly. I apologized and asked if she would like a foot rub. She said that she just wanted the money. I happily paid her. I couldn’t afford food for a week, but it was worth it. She got dressed and scurried up the stairs. “We should go to the movies some time!”, I yelled after her. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Fantasies truly can come true.

Jeff Wesselschmidt

 Join Party Dawg Records Party Squad


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