Independence Day Memories

 

As a tribute to this great country, I thought it would be nice to talk to some of our finest citizens, the folks down at Sunrise Village Retirement Community, about their favorite Independence Day memories. (Note: When I selected this nursing home, I was not aware there had been a fire there last July 4th.)

Jeff Wesselschmidt: What was your most memorable fourth of July?
Earl Crenshaw: (staring staight ahead, blankly) There were flames everywhere. People that I thought couldn’t speak, howling in pain…

JW: What was the bicentennial like?
Helen Kemp: I told my family this was the devil’s playground. They let unmarried men and women room together and look what happened. The whole damn place covered in hell fire.

JW: What are some of your favorite Independence Day traditions that your children have passed on to theirs?
Erwin Schneider: I didn’t even know wheelchairs could melt. (He starts crying.)

JW: Is your family going to take you to watch the local fireworks display?
Harold Beem: (gets a look of terror in his eyes, a puddle of urine spreads across pants) F-f-f-f-fire?!

JW: How do you plan on celebrating the 4th this year?
Edna Becker: It is going to take the entire days of the 4th and 5th just to visit all my friends tombstones that died in the fire.

JW: What holiday dishes get you in the mood to watch fireworks?
Jim Greinker: I like hot dogs!
JW: Finally, someone who doesn’t want to talk about the fire.
Nurse: (whispering) Actually, he’s mentally challenged.
Jim Greinker: I like hot dogs!

JW: Cole slaw or potato salad?
Leroy Kruetz: I did it. I set the damn thing. And I’d do it again. (starts laughing)

 

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