Short Erotic Romance

I responded to an ad to write erotic romance. I haven’t heard back:(

Dear The Team,

This seems like a great opportunity. When can I start?

Loglines
Historical – A man gets jacked off by Johnny Appleseed.

Sci-fi – A man goes back in time to stop the Kennedy Assassination. He ends up getting jacked off by Elizabeth Taylor (not dead yet).

light BDSM – A guy gets caught stealing apples. As a punishment he gets jacked off (the person has rough hands).

Mystery – This guy has to figure out who jacked him off while he was sleeping. The only clue he has is their signature stroke (half twist).

Western – Guy jacks off a horse as a prank, but gets addicted to it.

Inspirational – A guy with no dick overcomes the odds to get jacked off by Princess Diana.

Adventure – A guy gets jacked off while going over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

Military – A guy sticks his thing in a tank turret. It goes off. His thing spins around like Daffy Duck’s bill.

Urban – A Black guy gets jacked off.

Questions
How filthy are we allowed to get in the stories, specifically in regards to snorting pee?

Are we allowed to steal ideas from movies/mazes on the back of cereal boxes that we have seen?

Has a woman ever got so wet in the pants from reading a story that she jacked the author off?

Sincerely,
Jeffrey M. Wesselschmidt