Roommate Wanted – Players Only Responses

 

Help me choose a roommate. They all seem pretty cool, but I’m leaning toward J-pounder.

Applicant 1

Ha… This was a groovy ad. So I had to respond. I’m a groovy dude from California… Mexican/French/English… And I bring a lot to the table, wrote a musical that’ll go to broadway in 2011-12 season…. Have an indie flick about my life that shoots late summer…. Was an American Idol Reject…. Ha…

I’m 29…

I can bring a groovy cali vibe and shit to the group… ha…

2. If one of the chicks started cock blocking… I’d compliment her shoes and segue into a chat about sarah jessica parker and chick shit until she was distracted…. I wouldn’t abandon her until you were busting a load in her friend.

3. I banged six on new years… And have no stds. ha. Being in entertainment helps, chicks like budding producers, fallen rock stars and all around groovy cali Latin boys. =) I’m well into the thousands… I mean… fuck… there are 365 days a year, you know… and that’s a lot of time to fill up with cum. I even wrote a one man show I’m doing off broadway in the spring called “Confessions of an Hollywood Man Ho”….

4. You can fuck on my bed. You can even cum on my sheets. So long as the option is open for your room to be at my disposal if I needed it.

5. Bros before Oprah? Ha… I have four younger brothers, and I would die for any of them…. And New York can be a lonely scary awful place for a creative fella like myself who has a click in Cali, but no real home here in NYC.

So yeah… I’m your dude… And I’m a huge star waiting to happen myself… So why KNOW celebrities when you can LIVE with one? Ha…

Dean

Applicant 2

What up!

My girlfriend and I read your dope ass post, and we wanna check out the specs

heres our deal

I’m  Josh aka J-pounder, I’m a BMA student at Pace, I like rap music,
partying with tons of chicks and my rotweilller the punisher, I found
him at  a bar outside of Las Vegas a few months ago, hes a pain in my
ass and a beast, i signed him up for an underground dogfight out in
queens, he tore him to shreads. I mostly just kick it, take trips to
Hong Kong and vegas and shit when i can,  my old lady comes and goes
sometimes, but the main thing is to keep pimping all over the globe.

my dad is william keith kellogg, so you wont have to worry about
funding. he keeps me in Ca$h. im  just lookin for a new place to relax
but of course money cant buy chill people.

Shes into crazy parties and works as a bartender at a local strip
club out in Long Island city, aside from that shes alright, shes got
lots of tight ass coworkers and friends who love to pAArty, so thats a
plus for us.  Once or twice a week i love to go down there with all my
boys and cause shit.  During the day i usually just sit around and
toke, maybe watch a movie or get a girl to come over ( shes totally
cool with that… she loves to get down )

alright so hit me up

Josh

Applicant 3

Hello. I would like to live in TRIBECA for 600$. Here are my answers:

1. I would bring asian girls. Lots of them. I speak japanese and don’t mind sharing
2. I would distract cock-block girl with keats poems while you banged out target. The last cock-block i dealt with was easy: the best way to solve a cock-block is a threesome.
3. Last year? 5. More power to ya, but i prefer quality over quantity
4. Fuck no. Where would i bang out mine? if you can’t keep it hard with a rattle-snake cock-blocking you, then maybe you should find a new gender
5. Hos, bitch. hos.

Daniel

 

Applicant 4

I will walk up to any girl and make her laugh…then I will introduce you! My friends at home (south beach, miami) call me the icebreaker…yes, I grew up there honning my skills!

1.What do you feel you would bring to the crew? I have a Harley in the city, a home in Palm Beach and Cape Town, South Africa. I have very expensive suits that make me look serious and the hotties do not expect me to be the freak that I am (surprise attack!!!) But best of all….I come from the background of the dinner party (yes I cook) no bedroom at the clubs…so I entertain indoors. Also, I got myself trained as a yoga instructor so I can host classes in the living room…you would be surprised at how flexible some women can be and they all want to bang the instructor. Best of all…I will jump on the grenade, pussy is pussy as Richard Prior once said.
2.What would you do if I brought 2 girls home and one of them started cock blocking me? Describe a cock blocker you met in the past and how you dealt with them. (We kicked out the last roommate for cock blocking) I would ask the friend to take me to the drug store to buy medicine for my headache and keep the friend out of your space for 2 hours. I would thank her for being so nice and invite her to dinner to reciprocate…then I would burn her number.
3.How many girls did you bang out last year? Living with girlfriend and I must now get my phone sergically removed from my head where she threw it after seeing all the girls who called me…500 so far and counting…in life not last year.
4.If I wanted to bang out a girl, but there was a rattlesnake in my room, could I use yours until we caught it? No Problemo.
5.Bros before HOs

Best,

Jeff

 

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